Finally, the boat is sailing....

I really haven't talked about my relationship with my husband. I was not eager to talk about him or our relationship too much because I have been through a lot with him and for him. But I think I'm finally able to share my life with my husband with all of you who read my blog. Yes, I think I'm ready....

My husband, JT (his nickname here on the blog) and I have been married for six years and have been together for eight years. For the past four years though, have been the most challenging time of our relationship.

JT is a recovering addict. I knew he was addicted to drugs when I met him, when I dated him and when I married him. He was a major pot smoker and using cocaine recreationally (kinda nice way to say for "every weekends" ). It's crazy, when you love someone, those serious problems didn't matter to me or at least I tried not to acknowledge his problems. Part of me was saying I shouldn't be with him, but other part of me couldn't resist of being with him.

He used to tell me he would quit and I always believed his word. I waited and waited patiently, hoping he'd change his ways. Then I got pregnant with my first baby. That's when things took the wrong turn again. He was now addicted xanax due to the anxiety. Oh man, why!? Could anything be more wrong in my life??

Then my baby Ju-Ju was born... I think that's when something sort of happened inside of him. When he cut the belly cord and held our baby girl for the first time, I think he realized that he had to change. So he stopped taking xanax, just like that. Yep, cold turkey!!!! But do you know what happens when you're heavily addicted to xanax and stop taking them suddenly???? You'll have seizure, my friends!!!

One morning, I heard a huge thud and woke up. I saw my husband on the floor. I didn't have contact lenses in my eyes and couldn't see well, so I thought he just fell from bed. I started laughing and said, "are you okay, JT?" But he wouldn't answer me. So I get closer, then I saw him convulsing. His stiffness of arms and body, I knew he was having a grand mal seizure. I had never seen anyone having seizure via live. It was like a bad dream, but at the same time, I thought he was going to die. I called 911 screaming and crying for help because I didn't know what was happening or what to do.

When he came to, he was surrounded by 7 Rescue and Engine firefighters. They told him he had to go to the hospital, but he was like "Are you fu@#*ing kidding me? I've never been an epileptic and there is no way I had seizure.." Of course he wouldn't know..

They talked to him for quite a while and he agreed to go to see a doc if, I, his wife Maki would take him by our truck, not in the ambulance. When we got there, the doc ran some tests (cat scan, blood tests, etc) and everything came back normal. So he okayed us to go home. We're chatting in the car on the way home and I was explaining to him what happened and how scary it was. Then I felt the sudden silence in the back of the car. I looked back and there he was having another seizure laying on top of our four months old baby in the infant seat. I called another 911 and the same folks from the Rescue and Engine company came to help us. This time, he was in the ambulance off to ER....

Ever since that day, four years ago, my life with him had been ups and downs, an emotional roller coaster. He managed to quit xanax, but he became epileptic. He's had total 10 seizures in four years period. One time was in our truck while he was driving to work and ran into a house. It happened three days after we celebrated his 1st year seizure free anniversary. My heart dropped when I saw a police officer standing in front of the door asking me if I'm JT's wife. I thought he was dead!! That was almost two years ago. He hasn't had seizure since.

He was still spoking pot here and there, but he went to detox last year October. He relapsed once again in March, but he's been clean and sober for 5 months now. No pot, no any kind of drugs. He's clean! He prays everyday. I pray everyday for his sobriety. There were million times I wanted to give up on him and on our marriage. I was often envious of other couples who seemed so happy and drama free. But I stood by him. I always remember our wedding vows when he told me that I am his best friend. I couldn't give up on my best friend. I just couldn't...

He's totally a different person now. He's more caring and loving than ever before. I know that it's daily struggle for both me and my husband. His fight against his addiction is not over, but I would like to hope that he's ready to be the person he meant to be. I want to have faith in him. And I know he can be the best husband and father to me, Ju-Ju and Soapy.

I was always afraid that people would judge me and think I'm a loser for marrying my husband. But I can say now that I'm proud of him. And I wanted you to know who I really am and who my husband is. And hopefully by sharing my story here would help people who are going through the same problems. I hope I didn't bore you with my story. Thanks for reading and please come back....