Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Finally, the boat is sailing....

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I really haven't talked about my relationship with my husband. I was not eager to talk about him or our relationship too much because I have been through a lot with him and for him. But I think I'm finally able to share my life with my husband with all of you who read my blog. Yes, I think I'm ready....

My husband, JT (his nickname here on the blog) and I have been married for six years and have been together for eight years. For the past four years though, have been the most challenging time of our relationship.

JT is a recovering addict. I knew he was addicted to drugs when I met him, when I dated him and when I married him. He was a major pot smoker and using cocaine recreationally (kinda nice way to say for "every weekends" ). It's crazy, when you love someone, those serious problems didn't matter to me or at least I tried not to acknowledge his problems. Part of me was saying I shouldn't be with him, but other part of me couldn't resist of being with him.

He used to tell me he would quit and I always believed his word. I waited and waited patiently, hoping he'd change his ways. Then I got pregnant with my first baby. That's when things took the wrong turn again. He was now addicted xanax due to the anxiety. Oh man, why!? Could anything be more wrong in my life??

Then my baby Ju-Ju was born... I think that's when something sort of happened inside of him. When he cut the belly cord and held our baby girl for the first time, I think he realized that he had to change. So he stopped taking xanax, just like that. Yep, cold turkey!!!! But do you know what happens when you're heavily addicted to xanax and stop taking them suddenly???? You'll have seizure, my friends!!!

One morning, I heard a huge thud and woke up. I saw my husband on the floor. I didn't have contact lenses in my eyes and couldn't see well, so I thought he just fell from bed. I started laughing and said, "are you okay, JT?" But he wouldn't answer me. So I get closer, then I saw him convulsing. His stiffness of arms and body, I knew he was having a grand mal seizure. I had never seen anyone having seizure via live. It was like a bad dream, but at the same time, I thought he was going to die. I called 911 screaming and crying for help because I didn't know what was happening or what to do.

When he came to, he was surrounded by 7 Rescue and Engine firefighters. They told him he had to go to the hospital, but he was like "Are you fu@#*ing kidding me? I've never been an epileptic and there is no way I had seizure.." Of course he wouldn't know..

They talked to him for quite a while and he agreed to go to see a doc if, I, his wife Maki would take him by our truck, not in the ambulance. When we got there, the doc ran some tests (cat scan, blood tests, etc) and everything came back normal. So he okayed us to go home. We're chatting in the car on the way home and I was explaining to him what happened and how scary it was. Then I felt the sudden silence in the back of the car. I looked back and there he was having another seizure laying on top of our four months old baby in the infant seat. I called another 911 and the same folks from the Rescue and Engine company came to help us. This time, he was in the ambulance off to ER....

Ever since that day, four years ago, my life with him had been ups and downs, an emotional roller coaster. He managed to quit xanax, but he became epileptic. He's had total 10 seizures in four years period. One time was in our truck while he was driving to work and ran into a house. It happened three days after we celebrated his 1st year seizure free anniversary. My heart dropped when I saw a police officer standing in front of the door asking me if I'm JT's wife. I thought he was dead!! That was almost two years ago. He hasn't had seizure since.

He was still spoking pot here and there, but he went to detox last year October. He relapsed once again in March, but he's been clean and sober for 5 months now. No pot, no any kind of drugs. He's clean! He prays everyday. I pray everyday for his sobriety. There were million times I wanted to give up on him and on our marriage. I was often envious of other couples who seemed so happy and drama free. But I stood by him. I always remember our wedding vows when he told me that I am his best friend. I couldn't give up on my best friend. I just couldn't...

He's totally a different person now. He's more caring and loving than ever before. I know that it's daily struggle for both me and my husband. His fight against his addiction is not over, but I would like to hope that he's ready to be the person he meant to be. I want to have faith in him. And I know he can be the best husband and father to me, Ju-Ju and Soapy.

I was always afraid that people would judge me and think I'm a loser for marrying my husband. But I can say now that I'm proud of him. And I wanted you to know who I really am and who my husband is. And hopefully by sharing my story here would help people who are going through the same problems. I hope I didn't bore you with my story. Thanks for reading and please come back....

91 comments:

RiverMist said...

OMG MAKI! (if that's your real name...really I don't know)
that's so inspiring!!
it' made me zone out and daydream while reading it, that's so scary, I wish I never have to call 911 in my life.
but seriously good for you and him duhh.. oh and your children...lol
I once thought my ferret was having a seizure, but he just had bad gas :@

Rowena said...

I give you credit for even writing this. Sure, it's easy to publish anything on the internet, but this is something much deeper, intimately personal and so close to the heart. Good for you that you hung in there. JT is one lucky husband :-)

merc3069 said...

Maki,
Wow--I just woke up from another rough night with my alcoholic husband. Funny how the universe sends you what you need when you need it. He, too, has been rushed to the ER after collapsing with a bllod alcohol level 6 times the legal limit--drinking while he was home alone with our daughter. That was about a month ago. At first, he was quite willing to go to treatment and talked a good game, but he has not. Twice since then I have thought I detected alcohol in his drink. I have stayed for a number of reasons, chief among them love, but also because I am a stay at home mom with no discernable income of my own. Is that selfish?
So, to wrap up, thank you. Thank you for letting me know there can be a difference.

...love Maegan said...

wow. What an amazing story! What a scary situation.

I grew up with an father who was an addict and have also had situations with partners. YOu're so strong and brave for staying and working through it all. I hope you both come out on the other side for good :) Thanks for sharing!

colbymarshall said...

Amki, I'm so glad you can open up and write about something so difficult. And I applaud you and he for taking steps to make things better.

Rachel said...

You are very strong and thank you for sharing...we sometimes when having a bad day look to the next person and think wow they look sooo happy; but life is funny in the way that you don't know what people are going through or where they have been. You are a great writer, a strong person, a wonderful mother to your kids and a great best friend to your husband and it comes through in your writing.

God only gives you what you can handle; I say this all the time...but like you said the Boat is Sailing...
thanks for stopping by; I will definately be back and love that your in Florida too!

Tracy K said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to put it all out there. I'm so glad you, your hubby, and your family are doing well these days! :)

Maki said...

franco: Aww that was good that your ferret was just having bad gas. lol. And thank you for your kind words.

rowena: Oh, my mentor!! How are you? Thank you so much - we're in Waialua when JT had the accident. I miss Hawaii, but don't miss all the bad stuff that happened there. Hopefully we can have a fresh start when we move back!

merc3069: I know how hard it is to be with someone who is an alcoholic or a drug addict because I've been through that. I'm sure it's very hard for you as well. Please hunging in there. The thing is your husband has to wanting to get better; not just for you or your daughter, but for himself. I hope he'll realize that he's holding the key to you and your daughter's happiness. I'll pray for you and your husband. And you're not selfish. I'm also a
stay at home mom :)

...lovemaegan: Thank you so much for warm comment:) What I realize is that there are so many others who have gone through the same thing as I have. I hope so, that we have come out on the other side for good! ;)

Colby: Thank you sooo much! It did take me a while for me to be able to say the things I said here. I guess I grew tired of hiding or lying and write about my life. Thanks again!!

Rachel: Thank you soooo much for all your kind words. It really means to me. And thank you for stopping by!! Yes, I know God is very fair, right? Stay in touch - xoxo

tracy k: Hey! Aww thanks so much for stopping by and the warm message. Yes, I finally feel like we're breathing!! Thanks again!!

MJ said...

Such a great post! I envy your courage. I think every couple goes through moments that make or break the relationship - for me it was when my boyfriend decided to quit his safe office job and become a police officer. It is always inspiring to hear the stories of people who "made it." I think you have nothing to be ashamed of. Be proud that your love, forgiveness, and passion is so strong and deep.

Maki said...

MJ: Thank you, thank you so much for your comment. I agree with you; every couple does go through trials which would test their relationship. I'm glad to know that your relationship with your boyfriend is stronger than before. I'm sure you're very worried at first when he became a police officer!!! Your faith and love for him is also strong and deep. We all should cherish those feelings.

Elanessea said...

Wow, you have gone through some hard times and I really respect it! Not many people have to deal with anything like that. I really admire you for staying with your husband through all the tough times. You seem to be a very loyal and devoted wife which I'm sure is hard to come across these days. I really hope things continue getting better and better for you and your family. :)

Sarah said...

Many kudos to you for sharing your story! You are a strong woman and even stronger that you aren't hiding the truth. I can relate to your story and can admit that I never told anyone and tried my best to cover up the hideous truth. Stay strong and don't forget about your heart too!

(I am still a fairly newbie to your blog, but always enjoy your stories! )

Maki said...

elanessea: Aww thank you so much for stopping by! I really appreciate it. Things get tough sometimes, but I will hang in there!

Sarah: Hey hey! I think everyone has a story to share with the world that hasn't been told and I am looking forward to your story:) Thank you for word of encouragement!

Dorkys R. said...

I just landed on your blog by way of rivermist (btw river, bad gas?? you're too much!) and I just couldn't stop reading this post. You've been through quite a bit and yet seem to have so much hope when I'm sure many would have given up long ago.

That's just proof of what you're capable of handling and how big your heart is. It's so nice to meet you and I hope you both leave all this behind you for good :)

Maki said...

dorkys r: Thank you so much for your warm and kind words. I have said this over again through this thread, but it means so much to me... I really appreciate you taking the time to leaving me the comment. It's really nice to meet you as well!! Thank you:D

Ello said...

I had to follow you back from your comment to see which cutest blog you were using and then I read this post. You are a very brave and caring person and your husband is so lucky to have you. It is wonderful news to hear he is finally clean and I have great admiration for both of you. I know from personal experience of someone very close to me how hard it is to fight the addiction. My prayers to you and your family and God bless.

Maki said...

ello: Oh my, thank you so much for taking the time to visit my blog. I am grateful for all the kind words. It's true, you need to experience first hand how hard it is to fight the addiction and I'm glad you're one of them who know about the struggle for this disease. Thank again for your comment and stay in touch!!!

Alev said...

Wow, Maki! I had no idea! :O You've been through so much.. Yeah, you should be proud of your husband finally making it and getting clean for good.. But even more, I think you should be proud of yourself.. For being this strong and caring and at the end, standing beside your husband in spite of everything that happened. You are not a loser, don't ever think that, people who think you are a loser are the real losers. You are one of the few people that this world needs to keep on going and your husband is so lucky to have you. I hope you won't suffer anymore hard times in the future, because that's really what you deserve being one of the very best on earth. :)

Maki said...

alev: Awww thank you so much for saying all the things you said. It really means to me a lot. You're the very first person who left me a comment when I started this blog thing and I am kind of glad that I could finally let it all out. Thanks again!!! xoxo

LENORENEVERMORE said...

Hi there! I always see you in rivermist blog comment section & today I decided to drop by...& I'm so glad indeed... Your story is so touching... Thank you for your sincerity & strength... definitely b back to read more.
Charmed*

Katie Stacey said...

wow, thank you so much for sharing. I'm stopping by from SITS and I really appreciate your honesty.

Betsy said...

You are brave for being so honest. :)

Stesha said...

Thanks for sharing your story. That took a lot of guts.

SITS

JessicaMarie said...

Wow! This is so touching!

jori-o said...

Wow, congrats on your family's success story. Both you and your husband are inspiring!

The Sweet Jelly Bean said...

What an amazing story, told straight from your heart and nothing held back. You and your family are in my thoughts!

Marie Reed said...

YOU ARE AN AMAZING WOMAN!

mommytoalot said...

Wow..
that has got to be extremely difficult.
People just don't realize that an addict can be just a regular joe..or JT in your case.

American in Norway said...

You go girl... I admire your strenghth... you are a good woman, I am sure there are many times it would have been much easier to just throw in the towel.

Good luck to you all!

Laurel said...

Maki - Marriage vows are so serious and yet so many don't take them seriously. What a hard road you and JT have had. You are brave and courageous to have persevered and your marriage is and will be the richer for it. Inspiring and well done gutsy gal.

Jeanne said...

I so admire your love and your persistence in the face of this terrible disease. My first husband was an addict, so I know what you're going through. I couldn't stick it, but I really, really admire you for doing so.

God's blessings on you!

Ms. Cupcake said...

Dropping by from sits. Addiction is not a crime. It's part of the human condition. Good for him in conquering his demons.

Ali said...

That was a great heartfelt story that sounds like will have a happy ending--hang in there:)

Joy said...

So well written and compelling. Cetainly NOT boring. Many many hugs and prayers going out to you and your beautiful family.

Congratulations on your SITS spotlight!

HeatherY said...

I think it is wonderful that you chose to share your story. There are so many family struggling with one members addiction and this can give them hope. It is proof that people can change for the better.

Preston said...

You are NOT a loser for marrying the man you love regardless of whether he had addictions or not. I have a friend who is a recovering addict and another who has epileptic seizures on a weekly basis. I can only imagine the two combined. Thank you for sharing your story and congrats to your husband for being drug free for 5 months!

Thrifty and Chic Mom said...

What testament you are to the power of faith for stinking by your husband and helping him through his trials. I pray you will have future full of joy and that you both have strength in the face of temptation and trials.

Jodi said...

Good for you for sharing your story! Happy SITS day too! I wish you a happy life with your husband and kids!

Erika said...

Wow! JT is so blessed to have a wife like you!

April said...

Happy SITS Day! What an inspiring story and a true testament to what love is really all about! Thanks for opening your heart to all of us today...hope everything continues to go well!

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

What an inspiring story about love and committment! Thanks for sharing!

Oh2122 said...

I know I'm always worried about what other people will think about us, whether they actually know me or not...

Thank you for sharing something so deeply personal. Even if it doesn't help anyone else, it will help you. It's out there and people still like you.

Kelly Deneen said...

I love this post, and I think both you and your husband are amazing people! I wish you both lots of love and strength as he battles addiction. *hugs*

Brandy said...

Kudos for you for being so honest and telling everyone about your "secret". Just know you don't have to be ashamed about this...even those PERFECT people have trouble sometimes. You may have chose a different path than others would have but remember that what does not kill you just makes you stronger.

Vickie said...

Good post, good post. Thank you for sharing something personal. JT is blessed to have you in his life. This was not boring.

Creative Junkie said...

That must have been hard, to share this story.

It was very brave as well.

I wish him the best in his recovery and the best to the both of you while you travel this road.

Kat said...

The easy path is to move on. You are so brave to stay. And to make it work. And support the love of your life. It will be worth it.

Ryan and Katie said...

It's great that he has someone like you by his side to keep encouraging him and loving him. Such a sweet story!

jubilee said...

Your post is a good reminder to never judge someone from appearances, because you just never know what they are going through.

I hope things get better and stay better for you and your family.

Reluctant Housewife said...

No one will think you're a loser. You're an inspiration. It's brave to share your story.

Barb said...

Wow what a story of stength and courage and inspiration. I definately do not think you are a loser...you fell in love with a wonderful man and could see past the faults and saw a great, loving person. I had troubles with people thinking my new hubby was not good enough and was a loser....I saw past all that and now everyone else loves him and see the good man that he is too.....
You sound like an amazing and wonderful wife and person....
thank you so much for sharing your story..that took strength and courage.
I am visiting from SITS....and look forward to seeing you more...

Smoochiefrog said...

Wow, just wow.

Noah's Mommy said...

Maki....it is incredibly brave of you to share your story with the rest of us...airing dirty laundry is never easy...I think you are so strong to be the anchor for his boat...I always say God puts people in our lives for a reason....and your story just proves that to me again....I wish you JT and the girls a wonderful and blessed 2009

Cammie said...

Happy SITS day. Thank you for sharing this with us

Karen (KayKay) said...

How brave you are to share your story. Very inspiring. Congratulations to your husband on his sobriety.

Ex-in-the-City said...

Thank you for sharing your story. For me, writing often clarifies things and brings understanding and I think when we share our stories we learn even more.
I have a couple of friends who are recovered addicts & they continue to amaze me with everything they bring to our friendships. Love is all there is.

LaDeana said...

I adore your bravery and your will to keep your marriage alive. Bravo to you and yours. You have a beautiful family. Good luck!

Astrid said...

What an amazing story! Many people would have just given up. Kudos to you for being so strong!

Happy SITS day!

Jamie said...

Wow, you really are one brave woman. I don't that I could have shared as much with the blogging world as you have here so I totally applaude you. Happy SITS day by the way!

P.S. I thought I'd share that my word verification word was "Wings."

Becky Welch said...

This could not have been easy to write but thank you for sharing it with us. I hope all continues to go well with your family.

Karol said...

I couldn't imagine the strength you had to gather to write this. I'm glad to hear he's got the treatment he has needed. You are one strong woman.

Have a great day my fellow SITSta.

Blue Castle said...

Your husband is blessed to have you. I haven't had to deal with anything like this, but if I did, I would hope I would have the strength that you do.

Reeni♥ said...

What an inspiring story. The seizures sound very scary. I hope he continues down the road he's on. He's done so well, and he seems determined. Lots of luck to you both.

Melanie said...

Awesome honesty! I also did not have a "normal" marriage due to drugs and alcohol... Mine didn't turn out as well... but life gives us all twists and turns... its how you bend that makes it interesting... I'm looking forward to following your story!

ScrappinAway said...

Wow, I am so impressed you were able to put this into words, I'm not sure I could have. I hope that things are still going well.

Momma Chae said...

Thank you for being so brave and honest! I hope to one day be able to do the same....
It is so good for the soul to tell your stories and set them free.

Ronnica said...

I'm sure it continues to be a daily struggle. I'm glad that you have stuck it out, Maki!

Moonlight Hollow Musings said...

Congratulations on your SITS day...and congratulations on being a fighter...a survivor...hanging on to your marriage...helping your best friend...and celebrating your success with this wondeful post!

Malisa

Katie said...

Everyone deserves to be loved, JT is lucky to have someone who has been able to stick by him and give him unconditional support.

lynn said...

Stopping by from SITS. Congrats on being featured.

What a story. Thanks for being so open. I've seen first hand what addiction can do to a person and their family. Glad you were able to work through it and he's now getting better!

Elliemae said...

You are an awesome wife and he is so lucky to have you!!! Thank you so much for sharing this, this post really shows what kind of person you really are...faithful to the end no matter what!!

mrsbear said...

That's quite a story! It says a lot about the strength of your relationship and your love for each other. I wish your husband continued sobriety. Happy SITS day.

Sarah said...

A very good, inspiring and brave post!

Seizures are very scary things (hugs to you for seeing that) - my daughter had two this past year. I hope your husband stays seizure free for years to come.

And congrats to him for being clean!

coco-ono said...

You are a wonderful wife!

blognut said...

You're very brave to share all of this - God Bless.

Sherrie said...

Bless you for sharing your story. I'm glad your DH is clean, and I pray he stays that way. Happy SITS day to you!

Mimi said...

I pray that he will continue his healing process!

Mrs. D said...

I am sorry. I'm a nurse, so I care for addicts a lot in the hospital. Hats off to you, woman! That is so much to deal with, and I just don't think I could. Congrats on being able to have a positive outlook!

Sarah said...

Your husband is so lucky to have you. You are amazing woman and wife! Thanks for sharing this.

Rhea said...

I bet this was a hard post for you to share. Thank you for sharing it. My husband has alcohol problems and has had to quit work (he's an attorney). I feel so frustrated with him, but maybe there's hope.

The seizures must have been so scary!

Cricket said...

Hi there... :) I've been in a somewhat similar situation myself, and my heart breaks for what you've been through. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? :) You've been brave through so much, and it was brave to share your story... *hugs*

Anna Lefler said...

Your husband is so lucky to have you! Hang in there and I wish you all the best...

:^) Anna

Zen Ventures said...

you are very brave in sharing this story with all of us. I can only wish that this is the start of a drug and seizure free life for you.

Maricris
Zen Ventures
Golden Flower Creations

Heather said...

You are one amazing woman for putting yourself out there like that. I'm sure your husband knows what a lucky man he is to have you.

Happy SITS Day!!

Elle MD said...

You are a VERY strong woman. And it says amazing things about you that you clung so strongly to your marriage vows and this man that so desperately needed your love and patience. Bravo!

- a SITSta

Robyn said...

Many blessings to you. Know that you are very strong and you did the right thing by staying with your husband. I will put your family in my prayer book. Confession is good for the soul. Know that you have people out there that won't/don't judge. Keep your head up my friend. Stay strong. Your little girls are adorable!

Live.Love.Eat said...

wow, what a story, your LIFE!!!! It's a wonderful thing you did staying by your best friend's side. Not many would have done the same. Now, you have something so precious to be proud of. Congrats on being featured. I am a day late!!!!

Michelle said...

You have incredible strength to persevere and find success in your marriage. As much as you may believe it, there is no drama free marriage. But finding a way to be happy and healthy together -- that's what it's all about.

Ani said...

What a story... Good for you for 1- sharing your story, 2- for overcoming your obstacles together and 3- toughing them out.

It's amazing the power of prayer... GOOD LUCK!!! <3

CoffeeJitters.Net (Judy Haley) said...

what a great story - and how much would you have missed out on if you hadn't given him a chance

Tracy said...

Wow.

I just want to let you know that your story touched me and it's very brave of you to share about your family this way.

I hope you guys are doing alright now. It seems so from the last post.

I came across your blog accidentally from A Cup of Jo and I thought 'How cool, a mom (who's Asian haha) and got her own blog!!' So yah, GBU and your family.

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