Friday, September 26, 2008

When Dress Up Is Not For Him...


Do you folks ever argue with your boyfriend/husband/girlfriend/wife??? My husband, JT and I had a bit of, well, actually a huge argument today... We, of course made up in the end, but it doesn't make me feel good about myself at all when I know it was my fault. And it makes me more upset when it was about something so stupid!!!

JT and I were getting dressed to go out for shopping today. I asked him nicely, "Hey JT, please dress nicely for me, K?".

His reply was this, "Ok.."

Well, JT tends to dress down, way down sometimes where I am like WTF??? I tend to enjoy dressing myself up even just going out for grocery shopping or whatever. My parents are both stylish and I grew up watching them dress chic and cool. So, I always believe looking nicely in public is important. Of course, I love jeans and tank top, too, but I enjoy being in lovely clothes.

Anyways, he decided to dress up in a baggy T and a pair of board shorts. He looked okay and off we went to the mall where I saw bunch of guys dressed nicely. Now, our conversation went from euphoric to hell...

Maki: JT, you're a very good looking man and I know you dress nicely when you have to, but I want you to try harder for me from now on.

JT: Eh? What are you talking about?

Maki: You need to dress well when we go out, it doesn't matter where we go, I want you to dress nicely.

JT: I think these look okay (looking down at his clothes)

Maki: Yeah, but see, look around, you know I like when people dress nice and neat..

JT: Oh give me a f*%kin' break. You know I don't like to dressed up for no reason. Are you saying you're embarrassed??

Maki: That's not what I'm saying....

JT: Ok, then let's go home. I'm done shopping today. (and he started walking towards exit)

Maki: Why can't you see my point of view??? (chasing him like a little duck)

JT: Well, you know how I always dress, you know this is how I've dressed since you met me, so you should never married me or if you don't like it, then leave!

Maki: :O (Leave????)

I won't go into the aftermath of our argument after the mall because it was ugly!!! I can't share. LOL.

Okay, I was kind of half joking and half serious when I told him I want him to dress nicely. But you see, I've always enjoyed watching "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy". I think it's nice when men pay attention to fashion. I know it doesn't come naturally for many men, but why do I have to be told to leave???

Even his mom told him before that he needs to dress like 40 years old, not 18 years old. Actually he acts like Tommy Lee from Motley Crue and he even looks like him. John used to compete for DMX and was once a high school champion in the nation. His style would be naturally that. But he looks gorgeous when he dress up for nice dinner or drinks. And I want him to look great for me 24/7. But I guess I am wrong to even think this way...

He told me after the argument when we came home, that I hurt his feeling. He told me that I'm taking other people's inventory. He totally misunderstood my statement. I wasn't checking other guys out. I was just observing how other men were dressed. But in JT's mind, I was looking at the other guys and wishing I have them instead of him.

I felt really bad about it all because he's right, I married him for who he is, not how he dresses. So, I told him I was wrong and I was really sorry... He accepted my apology.

Now, I have to learn how to let go of my desire; wishing that he'd dress good for me. Any good idea or suggestion? How do you deal with a situation like this if you were me???


Rachel said...

That is a tough one; but switch it around if he told you something about your appearance you would be him for him; if he has clothes on; it's a plus; and if he dresses up when it matters; your ahead of the game.

don't sweat the small stuff; it's hard I know but there are bigger things to worry about.

:) Happy Friday!

MJ said...

I think it's okay to ask him to dress up now and again. I have had this same conversation with my boyfriend. He's a pretty stylish guy, but when he dresses "comfortable" it can get downright ugly, and I don't want to take him in public, lol.

I understand where your hubby is coming from taking offense, but it is not okay to overreact when you were trying (I think) to give constructive criticism.

With me and mine, it was a matter of "meeting in the middle". I didn't mind if he wore a t-shirt, as long as he wore decent pants. And I started buying things for him that I wanted to see him in or pointing out things to him I'd like him to wear - that helps a lot. Sometimes I think guys just have no idea what we want to see them in.

Boys will be boys!
Good luck!

Brooke Hughes said...

granted my husband is only 26, but, i feel the same as you sometimes. He looks hot when he dresses and goes to work, but around the house and when we go out its the same cargo shorts he's had forever, a t-shirt(too short cause he is 6'8) and these nasty sandles that he has had forever. I just stopped fighting it...its like when I say something negative he gets mad and stuborn and then he does it to spite I have had to learn to let it go.

RiverMist said...

I don't get it, you asked him to dress up and he said OK,
and then he said I don't like to dress up, :) ???
he makes it seem like he has to wear a suit, just buy him new clothes.
I just go casual when I go out, of course I just pick whatever is at hand.
Next time you wear down clothes and see how he reacts.

but I'm not married so don't take my advice. :)

Joanna Goddard said...

very interesting. i love this post xo

Tova Darling said...

Ah, yes. Men and clothes. They don't always get it, do they? Luckily for me, my hubs spent years as a teen with his take-charge older sister picking out all of his clothes, so when we go out somewhere, he just opens his closet and asks me to pick something out for him. Works for me! I like your blog, by the way.

PS - the line "chasing him like a little duck" really cracked me up for some reason.

Liz said...

I have/had a similar problem. My 32 year old husband likes t-shirts and shorts.

I found that if you compliment him when he does dress up that he might try to keep dressing up to keep the compliments coming.

But if he really just wants to be in comfy t-shirts and shorts than there is nothing I can do. That's just who he is. Can't change him now.

Maki said...

rachel: Yes, I know.. I need to relax a bit, but really, he thinks he's in Hawaii on the beach (Florida is close enough but) - and we're not! LOL. Have a great weekend!!!

MJ: Yes, that's what I'm talking about! The problem with JT is that he wants to dress "comfortable" and it's everyday thing! And honestly, I want to walk three steps behind when he does. LOL.
When we go out for dinner or drinks, he looks great.. I'll definitely take your advise on meeting in the middle - Great idea!

Brooke: Hey, hey! Did you just say your hubby is 6'8?? He is tall, isn't he????? Wow! My JT does the same possibly being stubborn and see how much I can take.. Men, men and men... Big sigh...

Franco: You appreciate the beauty of dressing up, don't you? I like T's and jeans on him or shorts as long as they fit him. I hate those baggy T's.. I am going to start buying stuff for him now...

Joanna: Oh my, my!!! I am so happy to receive a comment from you. Thanks so much for stopping by. Wow!!

tova darling: Thanks so much for stopping by. That's great that he has a sister. I think many men who have sisters know how to dress himself. Well, JT has three other brothers.. They all dress well, especially the youngest one. Mine is not awful (well sometimes. lol) I just want him to pay more attention to detail.

liz: Hello! I'm glad that many ladies here have gone through the same problem as mine. Thank God I'm not alone!!!! I think I need to learn to compliment him, instead of criticizing him.

Alev said...

Wow, I'm sorry that happened. Guys aren't really fashion followers, so I can understand how he doesn't care much about how good he dresses up. But I don't understand why he overreacted.. I think he felt inadequate for some reason when you (even so unintentionally) compared him with some other guys. Guys are just guys.. They are who they are, I say just leave him be to wear what ever he wants. Besides, it will hold more meaning for you when he actaully does dress up real good for some special occasion. :)

Maki said...

alev: You're right. Guys will be guys. He is not that bad of a dresser, he likes baggy sometimes which I hate. So I'm trying to buy some smaller size of clothing for him:)

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