I guess tonight was one of these nights that I feel somehow lonely and it happened to be the day before my birthday. I've been celebrating my birthday for the past three nights by going to my friends' houses having drinks and great dinners, and it is not even my birthday yet, because you know, this one is pretty big. I am going to be 35!
Maybe because I've got period (clearing my throat; excuse me gentlemen) or maybe it's simply I'm getting emotional that today is my last day of 34, but I'm feeling so blue. Or maybe because I had a little argument with JT. Why did we have to do that before my birthday? Couldn't we just get along??
I have been thinking about my life as a whole and I am afraid to look back what I have accomplished throughout the year. And as much as I'd like to hope that I have done many good things, I know I really haven't done much at all except being a good mother to my daughters and a wife to my husband. Some say that's good enough, but I have a dream and I want to make it come true. But more I get older, I feel like the dream becomes more distant and further away from reach.. I felt so alone, so I cried while laying next to my youngest daughter who is sound asleep...
Okay, usually I am very optimistic and I would say, "Oh, my life is great!! Yay! Dream will come true as long as you work hard towards it!!!" But, oh no, not tonight.... Big, big sigh...
My hubby is throwing me a huge birthday for me tomorrow night and all the people I love are getting together for me. What else can I ask for?? I am a lucky woman, but then I feel like I am so unwanted sometimes. Am I crazy to feel this way or what?
So, I need your help, my friends. Please tell me; what would you do to pick your mood up? Do you guys ever feel this way even when you are usually an upbeat person? Is it just me or do we all go through this emotional roller coaster sometimes in our lives???
Hope you're having a nice weekend!
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22 comments:
FOr some reason I have an issue with all my birthdays. I think its natural to feel a bit blue on your birthday and to feel like you might be missing out on your dreams as you get older. Just remember to be true to yourself and know that its never to late for any of your dreams.
Well I popped over to wish you a happy birthday, and I'm so sorry to hear you were feeling blue last night. I hope a good night's sleep has made you feel better today.
I agree with Brooke, birthdays lose their luster past a certain point. I'll be 40 this year, and I'm none too thrilled. Believe me, I understand!
As for missing your dreams--shooooot. You can change your life at any age, Hon!
Think of one thing you can do to set your dream in motion and do it before the day is out. No matter how small. Even if you just do some internet research on what you want, or tuck $10 into a jar with a pic of your dream taped to the outside. It's still moving forward. And as long as you keep going forward, you can change your life! :D
Big hugs to you, Maki. Wishing you the happiest birthday ever.
Happy birthday Maki love! I know what you mean about feeling blue out of the blue. You could be fine one minute and then whooosh! Something just comes over you. Usually that's the time when I start thinking about everything else that's wrong in my life (and why I get therapy to fight off this depression).
When I'm down (which is quite often) I go for a walk, preferably through a park. There's nothing like being surrounded by nature with the sun bearing down on you to lift your spirits. I also turn on the radio and sing loudly. Or I write (either in my journal or my blog) and pour it all out. And sometimes I just have a good cry.
It's hard growing older and feel like you've made no progress over the year. But I'm sure there's something you learned that made you stronger or a choice you made or something that happened that has put you closer to where you want to be later on. You might not realize it now, but life has a funny way of all working out somehow. You just have to be optimistic and have faith.
Now if only I could follow my own advice :)
I hope you feel better sweetie and that you enjoy today to its absolute fullest.
oh, my sweetness, i have felt this way too, for sure. everyone does sometimes. it's just the nature of life. your accomplishments -- your children, your marriage, your friends, your blog, your outlook -- are so amazing. many people wish their whole lives for that, so you have done an incredible job creating these relationships and caring about the people around you, which is the #1 thing in life.
also, you are doing an amazing job working toward your dreams and 35 is YOUNG! my mom went back to school when she was 40 and got her masters and met the love of her life and completely changed her life from then on. many people change or start careers in their 30s--you can totally do it! and are lovely and talented.
finally, when i'm feeling sad, i try to do this: i make a list of 10 things that make me happy (just little things), 10 things i love about myself (again, just little things) and then do something totally upbeat and different--take a bike ride by the water, call a fun friend just to chat, even watch an episode of Will & Grace. that helps boost my mood and puts me back in a better place.
i hope you are feeling better now that it is the new day! you are a doll and i wish you a nice and happy birthday! xoxo joanna
ps. randomly, you might find inspiration in people's answers here. they cheered me up so much yesterday! :)
http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/blogs/smitten/2008/10/smitten-challenge-what-are-you.html
This is hard to help you with for me, I alays pivk up my mood by doing things that I like.
but i think I know how you feel, when I with frinds and all happy and exiting and giggling but when i GET Home i'm a lifeless emo.
i'm abit bipolar.
I say take confort in your two girl.
i give myself a luxurious bubble bath.
i think besides being a great mom and wife, a gal wants to be something more than that. there is nothing wrong and my sis is in her great mom and wife state now but she knows when her kids won't need her as much, she is going to find something meaningful for herself.
AND, HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
bf and i just had a discussion about me being a mom, wife (in the near future) and still being myself with a dream.
as for the tag, whatever numbers you want. it's up to you.
Happy Birthday BTW! I think everyone goes through those moments when they look back over their life and feel like they have not accomplished everything they wanted to. I know I have! Many times! But just remember, you are ONLY 35! You have plenty of time to do what your heart truly desires. It's a great accomplishment in itself to be a good mother and wife :) Do things today that make you feel good, and remember the best things you can have is love and forgiveness for yourself and a positive attitude. If you want to be happy, simply put, just be happy! Hope you have a fabulous birthday!
Happy Birthday! I hope you enjoy your party. Good news for you though is... you still get your period! Some women experience early onset of menopause starting in their 20's. You are lucky in life. You have 2 beautiful children that love you and a caring husband. Remember that and enjoy your party!
I turn 35 in 16 days. And funny enough, this one is harder than 30 was.
I've found myself wishing that I had more time to write, sit and read, and spend time with my friends. Instead, I'm mostly working, taking care of my son, and feeling like I don't have enough time to get everything done.
I think I would treat myself to a spa day if I could afford it. Or maybe just a day alone doing what *I* want to do. Shopping, reading, having a nice coffee or meal, a long, hot bath. It would depend on my mood.
But I think I know so much of how you're feeling right now. I hope you have a terrific birthday tomorrow.
brooke: You are so right. I was really blue before my bd, but now I'm 35 (today), I feel okay..
k trainor: Aww thank you so much!! I'm trying to positive and I feel much, much better reading these comments. Thanks again and hubs back:D
dorky: aww, depression is hard. JT had it for a while. Thanks so much for the bd wishes. Yes, we have to have faith - you are right :D
joanna: Thanks so much for your kinds words. You have no idea how much it means to me. Your mother's story made me realize that it's never to late. Thank you!!!!
PS; Mahalo for the link - it cheered me up too :D
franco: You are right.. I felt so much better and happier when I held my girls.
savvy: I know exactly what you are saying. Thank you so much for the brithday wishes!!!
lydia: Thank you!!! You are right about everything you said. I was really blue until yesterday, but after midnight, I snapped out of it. I'm happy today :)
housewife: Thank you so much! I enjoyed the party last night - maybe too much :)
lola: Wow, you are turning 35, too? Yes, turning 35 was a lot harder than 30. I'm afraid turning 40 now. LOL Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving me the comment!!!!
I agree with everyone, but sometimes a good old cry just makes me feel better.
The folk festival was sooo much fun!
Do you still want the Mitch Albom book? Let me know;-)
HAPPY B-DAY!!
I'm sorry you were feeling like that, I hope you are better now... Age is just a number, don't ever forget that. It's never too late to chase dreams. :)
Happy Birthday girl! It's normal to feel a little blue around your birthday, mensing or not. It's a bittersweet thing. But you're one year older and wiser and lookin' good!
ultimately life-affirming
merc3069: Yes, a good cry totally helps and cleanse my soul. I need to release the bad energy sometimes.
alev: I'm feeling better now, but it was rough last week. LOL. Thanks for the bd wishes.
bayjb: Jess, thank you so much!!! I realize now that many people are going through the same thing. I feel better now after going out with everybody last night.
ryan manning: Thanks for the comment! Simpl put, but you really made it clear to me :)
Happy day after your birthday Maki! I hope your party ended up being a blast and made up for your birthday eve sadness :)
When I am feeling down I usually go for a drive or a run. Looking at pictures from throughout the past year also help in lifting my spirits -- maybe you could do that too and see that you did really live your life and experienced special moments.
Happy Birthday...can't wait to see the pics!
I have to say, I was very depressed over the weekend as well ...the only thing that got me out of it was going and getting my nails done with my bff for her birthday. Otherwise, I just wanted to lay around and cry all day :) I hope you feel better and had a great birthday!
sarah: Thanks so much for the bd wishes and the ideas to get out of the blue... The party was great - I had great time :)
rachel: Thank you!!! I hope your hubby had a wonderful birthday too!! I'll post some pics soon :)
maegan: I really don't know what's wrong with me, but for the past week has been really weird and depressing. Birthday was good. Thank you!! I hope you're feeling better too :)
Happy belated birthday. I hope you had a great one.
Always remember that It is never to late to fulfill a dream.
lbluca77: Aww thank you!!! I'm feeling better now. Wait until the pics from the bd that I'll post this weekend. It surely doesn't look like I was feeling blue! LOL
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