Monday, June 21, 2010

Summer Comes, Hubby Goes...

Summer is officially here! Yay!!! I love summer. I love everything about it, and I'm so looking forward to all the things this delicious and favorite season of mine has to offer...

On a different note - my husband JT left early this morning back to NJ again. He had to go straight to work as soon as he landed, so he caught the early flight out - I had to get up 5:30am to drive him to the airport! It was such a brief stay, but I think it was one of the best time we ever had in a long time as a husband and a wife as well as family.

Some of you may already know this, but my husband and I have gone through a lot together (Please read here if you haven't read one of my posts about our history) and I can honestly say that it hasn't been an easy ride. I guess marriage can be very difficult at times. We have struggled financially for the past few years because of his health condition as well as him losing a job a year and a half ago. But now he's working for his father's company and things are going so much better and finally, I feel like we're heading the right direction. We were laughing more, and I can honestly say that we had the best time this Father's Day weekend.

I almost cried when I saw him kissing our daughters while they're still asleep his morning before heading to the airport - He kissed and kissed and kissed their lips and cheeks, and whispering to them. But they didn't get to say goodbye to their daddy because we decided not to wake them and take them with us in the car. {Remember, we're still at JT's mom's house since we haven't gotten the carpets yet in the condo} JT held my hand all the way to the airport while he's driving. I miss him very much.

The only thing is though, this is something JT and I have talked about since he moved to NJ for his new job in February that if things go well for him, we really need to think about relocating back to NJ. I lived in NJ for 9 month before, but we moved to FL to be close to JT's mom. I've grown my love for this place and I've finally made my life here like I did in Hawaii. It took so long for me to find my own friends that I can call my real friends. Ju Ju also started school a few years ago and she has her own friends now. Deep down, I know we have to be close to daddy because we are family and family always stay together. However, I've moved around so much for the past six years, I just don't feel like doing it all over again unless it's really necessary.

It's not fair to JT that he's away from his daughters and it's not fair to the girls that they can't see Daddy - but we've agreed that we'll do this long distance thing for a year until JT can establish himself at his new job. I left my home, Hawaii six years ago and it totally broke my heart. Then I moved back to the island with JT, Ju Ju and Soapy four years ago and I thought we'd never move again. But we had to move again this time to NJ... Ever since then, I feel like I'm not the same person anymore. Something inside me shifted and I've put a huge guard and try not think too much about Hawaii.

The place I want to be more than anything is my home. Even Ju Ju tells me we should move back to Hawaii because she loves food there (LOL) and I can be close to my mom and sisiter. She tells me it's okay to say goodbye to her friends because she knows that's where we are be the happiest... But right now, I take the second best place - Florida.... I'm just not ready to lose what I have come to love. Again. Family is important. No doubt about it. But I'm just not ready to feel the sadness of saying goodbye to all the people I call my friends and famly now. I did that six years ago and I'm too scared to do it again... Am I being selfish? I don't know..

What do you think I should do???

I realize there is some confusion from the readers with where I haved lived in the past six years, so I decided to provide my histor

January, 2008 - June, 2010: Florida
April 2007 - December 2007: New Jersery
June 2006 - April 2007: Hawaii
March 2004 - Mary 2006: Florida

See I've moved around a lot..

Last Saturday @ Lido Beach - My BFF K and My other BFF A's son D

He loves snacking.... That's my bag of Mix!

My husband JT enjoys watching D - he always wanted a son...

We asked this gentleman to take our group photo and this is what he took. I don't know if he's blind or just didn't know how the camera works, but we barely see our children's faces. WTF? And best part - this was his second try!


Anna Lorraine said...

A longg longg time ago... my mom got a job in NY and my dad had to give up everything he had back home and moved to NY to be with her. He talks about how much he misses it back home... but there are times when we gotta make sacrifices... my mom was his everything and he couldn't live without her. So things actually worked out for the best. Hopefully things work out for the best for you and your fam too.

Cute pics by the way :)

Impossible Alice said...

Aw, what a lovely post. I know it's hard to make huge, life-changing decisions like that, but try to trust that everything will work out for the best. I believe that the universe always gives us exactly what we need =)

Those beautiful photos of you all at the beach make me miss summer so much - it's winter here in Australia and I hate the cold!

eri said...

i think everything happens for a reason, even if that reason may not be apparent at the present. i was just thinking today about my choices of work (a certain retail store w/horrible managers) and decisions in college (why did i major in fashion?!?!) but i wouldn't trade either because i gained a very best friend.

maybe you and the girls could take a trip to NJ to see how you like it?

BakerGirl said...

It's hard to move even when you're excited about said move. I loved the idea of moving to NY but the reality is that it's really hard. I followed J to NY for his job and hopefully at some point he will follow me for mine if I need him to.

NJ has some really nice, pretty areas and while it's no Hawaii or Florida maybe you could make it work for a little while until this crap economy gets back on it's feet.

It's a hard decision either way... Thinking of you Maki!

Jessica (Bayjb) said...

This is a really tough decision. It's really tough when you have kids and a support system in one place but your heart is elsewhere. I know you'll make the right decision. Big hugs!

colbymarshall said...

I think wherever you guys are, you'll be happy because you love each other :-) That said, go with your heart.

Jenn(ifer) said...

Moving is always tough, on your family, friends and most definitely your soul.
I think the next time it is visiting time, maybe you and the girls should go up there and see how things go?
Always trust your gut; it's our strongest instinct.

I wish you luck. Here for you :-)

Kristin said...

I'm so sorry. What a tough situation to be in! Can you refresh my memory? Did I ever answer your WP questions?

Maki said...

Girlies: Thank you so much for all of your kind words.. I will make the right decision for my children as well as mine and my husband... And I'll keep you posted:) Thank you!!!

Kristin: No you didn't. :)

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