I have a confession to make, my friends. Yes, I have a dark secret that I haven't told you, well, actually it's in the past tense now. But really, I haven't discuss this matter here on my blog. So, please read with caution, especially this warning is to you boys!
I have breastfed both of my daughters. I have enjoyed every minute of this special bonding time with them. It has been indeed a special way to connect with my girls and I couldn't be happier those time that I had with them while gazing at their cute little eyes when they look up straight in my eye.
I weaned my oldest Ju Ju when she was 22 month old. I could say that she weaned herself off when she realized it's time to stop when I started to show my pregnant belly with her soon to be sister Soapy. Everyone around me thought that I would never be able to wean her, so that was an accomplishment. Ju Ju has shown that even though she is my no. 1 baby, she can still be a big sis = big girl.
The problem with her was that she had never, NEVER wanted to be weaned. I mean, her 2 year old birthday passed and no sign of saying "bye-bye" to mommy's boobies. I had tried to wean her off for the past three months and it never seemed to work. And she's getting bigger and bigger.
Then there came Soapy. My apple of my eye. She loved my tiny boobies. She couldn't have enough.. And I loved to hold her and breastfeed her. I couldn't be happier when she was holding on to me and eating her lunch or dinner or snacks. But that was when she was baby. When she was a tiny baby.
I managed to got it down to breastfeed her only before she was going to sleep. She usually fell asleep while on my breast - and I tell ya, she was happy! But I wasn't so happy. It's not because I don't love her. I love her to death of course, but I knew enough is enough.
Everytime I told her, "Soapy, it's time for you to stop, darling. No more Mama's milk. Mommy is getting tired. You're a big girl now," She cried and cried and said, "no, mommy, i the baby. i the baby, mama. no stop..." When she cried like that, how could I say no???
JT has been such a supporter when it comes to breastfeeding. He's always told me, she would quit when it's time for her. I didn't think so, though. I thought I had to breastfeed her until she's 3. Oh wait, maybe 4... That would be something. I mean, that wouldn't be good. I was getting nervous.
Then today, I told myself, "This is it. I can't go on. It's for me, but for Soapy, too." As I lay next to her, she tried to reach my shirt, so I held her hand and said, "Soapy, I am so sorry, but no more," (her face start to show sign of "i am going to cry, mommy")
Me: "Soapy, listen, I love you. But you are almost three (well, not quite, but close enough). Can Mommy rock you to sleep? How's that sound? Mommy sing your favorite song.."
(she looks at me with the cute little eyes.. Then she pointed the floor with her tiny finger..)
Soapy: "ok, mommy. you wock me to sweep (she can't quite say SLEEP yet)."
Me: "Oh my god! Good girl, Soapy. Thank you so much for trying. I love you..."
Soapy: "no pwobhem, mama, i love you too~"
So, I held her tightly and started to rock her, singing her favorite Sade.. Then she was asleep in 10 minutes. Huh!! I did it!! I couldn't believe how easy it was... It was a long long road, but in the end, JT was right. She was ready to stop....
When I came out from the girls' room, JT was standing right in front of the door with huge smile on his face. Apparently he was peeking through and saw what was happening. I looked at him and he said, "Congratulation, Mommy, " and gave me a HUGE hug. Now I am free, but also it was a bitter sweet.
Thank you, Soapy, my little baby... Mommy is sooo proud of you!!!