Thursday, March 26, 2009

My Own Nip Tuck Moment - Loving your imperfect self-

Thanks so much for all the well wishes, everyone!!!

I indeed had a cold, not allergies. After I published the previous post, I was attacked by a very mean cold, I ran some fever (which was very rare for me) and almost died (or at least that's what I thought it's going to happen). I took a shot of Tylenol "Cough & Sore Throat" medicine (honey lemon, but the taste is horrible).

Thank god, I was ready for it and bought the medicine before I got really sick - the medicine helped me tremendously.. Now after a few days, I feel totally fine(85%).


Here is the thing. Today's post is kind of raw and this is going to be a very honest, but short post that I will pour myself out. So be ready, okay?

Since I was a cute teenager (LOL), I've had my own insecurity about the size of my breast. I was a short track runner during middle/high school, so it was okay not having them. They would just get in my way. But you know, as you get older and mature, and by the time you realze you do want the perky breast, it was too late.

I can say that I have a nice body, very curvy body except I have very small boobies. Although I was not happy about my size, I was very content and sort of accepted the fact that it's my body and I had to live with them.

I met my husband who truly loved me for who I am - he has told me repeatedly that the size of my breast doesn't matter, that he loves me because I have a beautiful soul. So sweet, JT....

When I got pregnant with my oldest daughter and during nursing her, my breast size went from A to full C. People may not believe this, but it's true. I have a photo to prove it, but I can't post it on here - it would be a pornography? Right? I took the pic thinking, "This won't last, so I have to document it.." LOL

Then my second daughter Soapy arrived, my size went down to size B. Then six months ago or so, I finally weaned her and went back to my original size A... And now, they look smaller than ever. It happens to many moms who breastfed their babies that their breast totally go flat. Mine totally deflated....

So truth be told. I hate the way I look right now. I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is my non-existant breast. And I'm considering about getting the job done.

People always say, "You dont' need them. You are gorgeous." or "Why do you want to subject yourself to that?" My sister hates the fact that I even have the nerve to bring the subject up. She wouldn't understand it because she doesn't have my problem. My parents were also against it, but my mom remembered how I used to hate my size and how it has affected my insecurity, she talked to my dad and they are now supportive.

Somehow, plastic surgery has this stigma where people often say, "Oh did you know, so and so had the procedure done?" or "I can't believe she/he went under the knife.." It's funny how people talk if she has small chest, they'd say, "She is flat" - but then if someone has boob jobs, they'd say, "She has fake ones." It seems nobody is happy and loves to talk. I used to be one of them. I've never thought I would be the one who wants it. I still go back and forth whether if I want to do it or not, but I'm coming closer to the point where I am going to do it. I may change my mind again next week, but more and more I see myself in the mirror, I want to change the part of me that I don't like.

Many people may disagree and hate what I am talking about it right now. People may think I'm shallow. I know getting the procedure done won't give me a perfect body or make me the perfect Maki. But it would gives me something that I've never felt before - being comfortable in my own skin. Well, it wouldn't be my own skin anymore if I do it, but still it gives me some sense of peace. That I don't have to hide anymore...

And I think I can't wait to have that peace......


Bambola said...

awww Maki. That's a terrible way to feel.

BUT. Having said that. If you want to do it & the only reason is because you want to feel better about yourself. Then go for it.

It's not as though you'd go into it without thinking it through properly & you're not a silly teenager doing it to get attention.

You are stunning, but if that's what you want to do to be happy. I wish you all the very best =)

Bambola x

The Rambler said...

Awww Maki...

I'll totally give you some of mine. No charge :)

Love ya girl!!!

BakerGirl said...

If your breasts truly bother you then you should do what will make you feel better. There are doctors who can give you a nice cleavage line and they don't scream fake. I totally believe in correcting things that mother nature destroys at some level. Pregnancy is hard on your body and yet there are so many stigmas about fixing what it has done to your body.

I'm holding on to my B/C as long as possibly but if I have a child and I am really bothered by the effects I will find away to give myself some peace of mind.

Keep your chin up! :-)

Liz said...

I know how you feel. After I had my son my breasts completely changed and not for the better. I keep telling my husband after we are done having kids I'm getting a boob job!

I was also one of those people who always wondered why other people got boob jobs...and now I know. So they can feel better about themselves.

Anyway, dont worry about what other people have to say...they don't pay your bills and they definitly won't be paying for your boob job. It's your what makes you happy.

Carrin said...

I know exactly how you are feeling. If you feel itis right for you, who is anyone else to judge!
Let's jsut say been there, done that!
Please be careful to select a good dr. who will listen to what you want. Too many of them just want to give you the biggest ones possible.
You are a beautiful person inside and out regardless of your decision.

Dionne said...

Maybe you should talk to a few people who have had it done, I hear that some love it and some regret it. It would be interesting to find out all those perspectives before taking the leap. But I totally understand that you want to feel better about your body - I think as women, we all have something about our bodies that we are insecure about.
But Maki, you are seriously one hot mama! You have a husbo that cherishes you, and you've had 2 kids and yet you look like you've just walked off the set for a photoshoot!

Jenn(ifer) said...

Alright sit tight; I have a lot to say :-)

You are absolutely beautiful and how big your breasts are does NOT define who you are as a person. Yes, granted they will help with your self esteem and outlook etc. but there is always more to the story. Always.
Having been through 2 "procedures" myself they never fix what you see as the problem at hand.

I'm sure you have put a lot of thought and consideration into this but you need to be comfortable with who you are, as a person inside before you can alter your outside. But then if you are truly comfortable with who you are outside, the rest is superficial.

Your husband loves you. Your girls love you. Your friends adore you. Now it's time to love you.

Your breast size won't make any difference because you'll always find something else.

Be true to you!

Nicole Marie said...

body image is an evil thing.
but you have to do what makes you feel good and right. you are gorgeous!

Rachel said...

Do what you feel is the best for you...we all have things we want changed; but you have to be happy in your own skin. We support you girl!

freeTEYme said...

go with what will make you happy - if they are bigger breast - then i'd say go for it! My sister and I talked about that too - she has kids now and they are no llonger how they used to be so she is thinking of doing it. Nothing wrong with it darling. Have a nice day maki!

vsm/whirling dirvish photography said...

I'm right there with you honey... I don't even think mine are A's anymore more like bee stings... I think that self-esteem is something that is pivotal to a person's mood. Do what makes you happy... And if momma's happy then everyone is happy...

LBluca77 said...

I think if it is something you really want and are not gonna get like size DD (HA you would fall over)then you should go for it.

We all have insecurities about our bodies and even though others don't understand why we would be insecure about something doesn't mean we shouldn't get to feel that way.

The Muse said...

Talk it over with family...with your doctor...

If the desire is still there, do what you feel is right for you.

Maki said...

Bambola: Thanks honey.. I've been really really thinking it through. And I think I'm going to do it. I'll let you know!

The Rambler: I only wish if you could give me some of yours.. LOL. Love you too.

BakerGirl: I've been doing my research and many doctors know what they are doing. Thanks always pudding.

Liz; Aw thank you soooooo much for your kind words!! I know you just had babies, so I'm glad you understand what I'm feeling. xoxo

Carrin: Really??? I'm so glad that you understand my feelings. I love you!!!!!

Dionne: You're too nice. :) Thank you. I'll think and think and will decided soon. Summer is coming before we know it, so I need to decide. xoxo

Jen: Wow. Thank you so much for your honest opinion. Yes, I know exactly what you're trying to tell me. And I know that I need to be happy with who I am - well I'd be more happy if mine are bigger.

Nicole: I know.. Thank you always for being there for me.

Rachel: I love you girlfriend!! I'm gonna miss you knowing we won't be in the same state anymore:( Good luck with your move and don't forget to post about the road trip. xoxo

freeTEYme: Thank you!!! Tell your sis, I'll support her decision 100%!! Thanks so much!!!

vsm/whiring: Yes, honey!! That's what I am thinking nowadays - I have to be happy to make everybody happy. I'll let you know:) xoxo

LBluca77: Yeah I'd definitely fall over if I got DD. Two of my co-workers are DD and damn, they are HUGE!! I'd go for a lot smaller - I just need something! LOL love you!

The Muse: Yes.. I will think a lot. Thank you~ xo

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh I know exactly what you feel minue the babies and actually momentarily having something.

I want to but I don't. I want to have nice melons (haha) but I don't want to ... be THAT girl? I don't want them to look... all... pamela anderson and when I think of the fakies, shes in my brain.

Bleh- I also couldn't admit it to my family and its not something you could just hide. KUDOS FOR YOUR BRAVERY!

{Diamond} said...

I think you should do what will make YOU happy. There are women out there who abuse it, and simply make clowns out of themselves. You are simply a woman who is already beautiful, who just wants to do it for enhancement.

Good luck with your decison! :_)

The Eadle Family said...

If you want to feel better with yourself, then I would do it! I've been considering for a while to get a reduction. After I had my twins I went from a C to an E, which is painful!

Sorry you are insecure. I think we are all insecure about something. For me, my legs.

Needsleepy said...

Hey sugar!
Well, the boobie topic...always a tough one. Let me say, I think you are beautiful inside and outside. But everyone has insecurities especially after pregnancy...I for one...have gained tremendous weight that I can't seem to get rid of...BUT I can do exercise and diet to correct that (which of course I do not want to do at the moment lol) Unfortunately, you do not have those options...
I say, if this would make you feel better about yourself and more happy, GO FOR IT!
Research it, weigh your options, and make you best decision. DONE! I can not say that I "know what you are going through" ( I have the opposite problem) but I know women who are. Pregancy is brutal on your body and leaves many scars....( a big hit to the self-esteem) As long as you are doing it for YOU...then I see no problem what-so-ever!! Just do not go crazy...stay proportional with your body type :-)
If your teeth were crooked you would fix them, if you gained weight you would lose it, if you had stretch marks you would try and get rid of them, if you had acne you would try anti-acne products... Just saying, I really do not see the difference (except price lol)

Bayjb said...

I am normally against plastic surgery because I think it gives a stigma that anything can be easily "fixed" and those who make these decisions are naive and uninformed, but reading this and hearing your side, I can see that is not the case. I hate to hear you're unhappy with your body because you're so gorgeous. And trust me, having a fuller chest is not always the best thing.

Riff Dog said...

I personally think you look great right now. Honestly, I like you a little small. Trust me, if I could, I'd be all over you!

But if you don't feel good about the way you look, then I don't think there's anything wrong with considering surgery. I know a few women who did it and they're very happy they did.

Do know that the "feel" will be very different, though, and you (or your husband) may not like it. (personally, I usually don't like the feel.) That's very common, so be warned about that.

But really, you have to think only about what you want. No other opinion (except maybe your family) matters. Although . . . like I said, I think you're already sexy as hell! ;)

michelle said...

you have to do what is going to make you feel the best about yourself...I say go for it is you are going to love yourself even more.....

m :)

Lalapoo said...

I read this post a couple of times already since you put it out, but I could not comment because I see myself in you. Not because of my breast but because after having my daughters my stomach totally crashed.. the other day my sister caught a glimpse of my stomach and told me "you look like you were burnt" and I know that she is right. I am considering fixing this also myself but the money, the guilt.. it's all too much.
Thanks for sharing and good luck Maki

Maki said...

adub0: Yep, I'm that girl!! I was going back and forth, but now.. I think I'm doing it!

{Diamond}: Aw thanks so much!!!

The Eadle Family: WOW!! We're totally opposite - wow, E? I guess we all have insecurities..right?

Needsleepy: Aww thanks sooooo much girlfriend!! Your encouragement really means a lot to me. Thank you!!! Love you!

Bayjb: I know women with fuller chests have their issues, too.. It's fair to say that we all have different insecurities about their bodies... Thanks so much!

Riff Dog: My husband has been with many women before me and I believe his ex also had fake tits. I didn't really think about the "feel" after the surgery.. Well, we'll see what happens! :)

michelle: Hey girl, yes, I'll think more about it - thank you sooo much.. xoxo

Lalapoo: Pat, thank you for sharing. I totally know what you're saying. My belly stretched so much during two pregnancies that I still see the excess skin dancing around.. I go to gym and work out, but it's been a long process to tighten it up. It's hard... But We don't need to feel this way. We need to be happy. It's not that we want to fix everything, sometimes we just need the extra help. xoxo

Lindsey said...

My heart is sad at your insecurity, but more than that, I can relate to it. I am a curvy girl everywhere but the chestal region. This is a constant struggle to keep the important things important, and not get hung up on things like my body.
I have a feeling many people will be giving you advice and thoughts, but since you posted the topic, I feel safe in sending your mine:

The thought has crossed my mind before, but when my own mom had implants (and so much more work since then) it caused a rift between us. I see her as only now loving herself, if even superficially, and to me that says "If I have small breasts, I'm not as ____ as I want to be." Applying this transitively, if she feels that way about her own, what should I feel about mine?

Please keep your own daughters in mind as you make this decision. And for what it's worth, you look beautiful on the outside, I'm sure your inside matches too. You are uniquely and wonderfully made.

Maki said...

Lindsey: Thank you so much for your comment!! Your honesty really touched me. I will make sure to make the right decision not only for myself, but for my children and the whole family... Thanks!!


Resolving personal issues whatever it may be should not be handled alone. There are communities who are willing to support all the way to keep up the motivation. Just reach out and let others help to surpass the difficulties that you may be experiencing.

There's actually a support group wherein anyone can join, their Facebook page can be found at

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