Thursday, March 26, 2009
My Own Nip Tuck Moment - Loving your imperfect self-
Thanks so much for all the well wishes, everyone!!!
I indeed had a cold, not allergies. After I published the previous post, I was attacked by a very mean cold, I ran some fever (which was very rare for me) and almost died (or at least that's what I thought it's going to happen). I took a shot of Tylenol "Cough & Sore Throat" medicine (honey lemon, but the taste is horrible).
Thank god, I was ready for it and bought the medicine before I got really sick - the medicine helped me tremendously.. Now after a few days, I feel totally fine(85%).
Here is the thing. Today's post is kind of raw and this is going to be a very honest, but short post that I will pour myself out. So be ready, okay?
Since I was a cute teenager (LOL), I've had my own insecurity about the size of my breast. I was a short track runner during middle/high school, so it was okay not having them. They would just get in my way. But you know, as you get older and mature, and by the time you realze you do want the perky breast, it was too late.
I can say that I have a nice body, very curvy body except I have very small boobies. Although I was not happy about my size, I was very content and sort of accepted the fact that it's my body and I had to live with them.
I met my husband who truly loved me for who I am - he has told me repeatedly that the size of my breast doesn't matter, that he loves me because I have a beautiful soul. So sweet, JT....
When I got pregnant with my oldest daughter and during nursing her, my breast size went from A to full C. People may not believe this, but it's true. I have a photo to prove it, but I can't post it on here - it would be a pornography? Right? I took the pic thinking, "This won't last, so I have to document it.." LOL
Then my second daughter Soapy arrived, my size went down to size B. Then six months ago or so, I finally weaned her and went back to my original size A... And now, they look smaller than ever. It happens to many moms who breastfed their babies that their breast totally go flat. Mine totally deflated....
So truth be told. I hate the way I look right now. I look at myself in the mirror and all I see is my non-existant breast. And I'm considering about getting the job done.
People always say, "You dont' need them. You are gorgeous." or "Why do you want to subject yourself to that?" My sister hates the fact that I even have the nerve to bring the subject up. She wouldn't understand it because she doesn't have my problem. My parents were also against it, but my mom remembered how I used to hate my size and how it has affected my insecurity, she talked to my dad and they are now supportive.
Somehow, plastic surgery has this stigma where people often say, "Oh did you know, so and so had the procedure done?" or "I can't believe she/he went under the knife.." It's funny how people talk if she has small chest, they'd say, "She is flat" - but then if someone has boob jobs, they'd say, "She has fake ones." It seems nobody is happy and loves to talk. I used to be one of them. I've never thought I would be the one who wants it. I still go back and forth whether if I want to do it or not, but I'm coming closer to the point where I am going to do it. I may change my mind again next week, but more and more I see myself in the mirror, I want to change the part of me that I don't like.
Many people may disagree and hate what I am talking about it right now. People may think I'm shallow. I know getting the procedure done won't give me a perfect body or make me the perfect Maki. But it would gives me something that I've never felt before - being comfortable in my own skin. Well, it wouldn't be my own skin anymore if I do it, but still it gives me some sense of peace. That I don't have to hide anymore...
And I think I can't wait to have that peace......
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