Monday, June 15, 2009

Deja Vous

They are my daughters (well, most of you already know that.) Ju Ju & Soapy. They are very close and love each other very much. And watching them grow up has given me tremendous joy, no doubt about it.

There are one thing that's been bothering me for a while and it often makes me sad and I need to talk about it.

When we are out, it alwasy makes me happy when people look at my girls and tell me that they are adorable or pretty. I'm grateful for their kind words. But lately, many people only notice Soapy. I think it has to do with her age and how tiny she is - she is like a little peanut running around the world and I must admit, she is cute. But when people go up to only Soapy, I know, there is Ju Ju standing next to her. She looks up and smile at the adults hoping they would say something to her, but usually they go crazy on Soapy and walks away. The disappointment in her face tears me up inside. I guess Ju Ju is getting used to it, so when people notice Soapy, she automatically comes to me and hold on to my hand. I usually hold her hand tightly and look at her and smile....

As you can see from the photo, Ju Ju looks just like me and Soapy looks like her daddy. My BFF K who sometimes watches my girls when I am working, told me the other night that many people have told her that Soapy is like a porcelain doll, absolute gorgeous girl. Like I said, I am grateful when people talk about my daughter the way they do. I just sometimes don't know how to deal with the situation with Ju Ju...

I rememer when I was a little girl, I went through the same thing. My younger sister had big round eyes, unlike my tiny eyes. She was really, really a cute girl. There were times that the scout for the talent agency wanted to use her as a child actress in Japan. My sister was shy, she refused, but I used to tell her she should do it. Anyway, whereever we go as family, people used to say how cute my sister was and ususally they had nothing to say about me. I am not holding any grudges, actually I was really proud and happy when people talk highly of my little sister. But it did affect how I looked at myself - I used to think I was ugly. My mom continuously told me how pretty I was when I was little. I think she was worried about me. She said, "You may not like your eyes (because I used to complain about it), but you will be very happy that you have your looks when you grow up. So, don't change a thing..."

My insecurity about my look has changed drastically for the past 15 years or so ever since I gradauted high school. I still adore women with round big eyes - but I am extremely happy with the way I look. My mom was right.

I just hope Ju Ju knows that she is the most gorgeous girl in the world.. I don't want people's opinion to ruin her...

So, do you have any suggestion how to deal with a situation like this? Any advise??

13 comments:

Kristin said...

I think all big sisters deal with that. I felt the same way when I was little. Luckily my self image hasn't suffered. Best you can do is reinforce her every day like my Mom did! I'm not a supermodel but I'm comfortable with who I am. And for the record they are BOTH beautiful!!

Bayjb said...

Wow that's a tough one. Sadly, I don't have a sister so I don't know what to really add here, but as long as you are also complimenting her, I think that will definitely help.

Elizabeth Marie said...

They are both STUNNING Maki! I have a twin sister so we had to deal with that too, but my Mom just reinforced our beauty, inside and out, everyday just like you are!

xoxo

The Rambler said...

First..BOTH your daughters are stunningly adorable and will both grow into being strong beautiful women (like their mama)!

Second..as the older child this is what we go through. Sometimes we are in the shadows and other times we are not. It's up to our parents to make sure when we are in the shadows we know we are loved.

xoxo

lbluca77 said...

I don't have a sister so I don't really know. But I think it is because like you said your younger one is still little and people see her more like a baby.

But also when your oldest is out of the awkward stage that all girls go through your youngest will be going through it and then people will be the opposite with them. Wait, I don't know if that will make you feel better. But they both are really cute.

BakerGirl said...

Both of the girls are the cutest little girls ever! I think one thing that might help JuJu woul dbe if you find something she likes to do and and excels at and really support her in that. For instance if she likes to draw or sing, encourage it and maybe het her lessons. Then she has her special time with her special talent. It allows her to corner an area that she excels at and can tell or show people she excels at it.

Nicole Marie said...

just continue to tell her how beautiful she is , inside and out!

Dorkys Ramos said...

I agree, that's a toughie. They're both so freakin adorable and hopefully Ju Ju realizes that as she grows up. Just keep telling her she's gorgeous exactly as she is, no comparisons. Show them both how theyre each special in their own way. That way it's not only about their looks, but about their talents.

LouDuk said...

In regards to your comment on my blog:

I love West Wing! I watch the repeats on tv all the time. But if you love it, then you would not like what I am doing. I have been seeing how much of the house is complete bull shit. They spend more time on facebook, aim, twitter, myspace, emailing, and texting, then they do doing anything actually productive. It is quite annoying.

They passed the budget last week, so we are dealing with all the post budget protests. Overall it has been a really slow week.

http://www.louduk.blogspot.com/

FrancoB. said...

What up beyotch?!
I can so relate to this, My mom is white and dad is your typical mixed Latino, both of my younger sisters are light skinned and look a lot like my mom, while I look a lot like my dad, but the thing is that I consider my Mom's family way more good looking. SO it's like why do I get the less good looking genes? no fair!
In fact I just made a video blog about, it's in my blog.
It's just natural for people to got towards the younger.
Both your daughters are gorgeous.

Deanna said...

It is strange how things happen. I was looking for something through my old blog posts and happened onto a comment from you and thought... I don't remember visiting that blog. So I check you out (again). I'm glad I did.

I think as long as you continue to reassure both girls of how beautiful they are inside and out, what others say won't matter so much. My daughter thas three girls and a boy. The youngest girl(age 7 now) has always been tiny and cute as a button. We've just always tried to reinforce how wonderful all of the children are.

You have a beautiful family.

LadyStyx said...

pssst JuJu, you are a very beautiful young lady. Don't ever allow others to make you think otherwise.

Maki said...

Kristin: Thank you. I will have to do whatever it takes to make Ju Ju know that she is beautiful:)

Bayjb: Thank you girl! Funny thing is Ju Ju and Soapy these days ask why they don't have a brother..

Elizabeth: That's right, you have a twin sister! I guess us women go through the same thing - thanks for your kind words:) xoxo


The Rambler: You always know what to say - I love you! xoxo

lbluca77: You always light up my world when I'm blue.. Thank you so much for putting a smile on my face:)

BakeGirl: Thank you so much always supporting me with your kind words! You are so right! Love you - xoxo

Nicole: I will do that! xoxo

Dorkys: Hey Sweetie. Yes, I think I need to be strong and be the mom that my girls deserve. Thanks so mich! xoxo

LouDuk:
I still think your job is cool though. Good luck with it because you're lucky to be there regardless.

Franco: What up B! I know totally what you're saying. But I believe you're good looking guy. Thank you for being always nice to the girls:)

Deanna: Wow, thank you for visiting! Yes I will do all I can to make sure my daughters know that they are loved:)

LadyStyx: Aww honey, you made me cry. Thank you sooooo much! Love you - xoxo

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