My Daughters

I was giving my girls a bath tonight as always. As I tried to wash my Soap's hair, she said, "Mommy, I can do it..." and asked me to pour shampoo on her hand. Soapy couldn't wash her hair on her own or didn't even want to wet her face in the tub or pool a few month ago. Now, she is not afraid. That's when it hit me... Those little tiny things are growing up, fast. And it kind of makes me sad about it.

They are 5 and 3 - obviously they are still small and give me so much joy by just looking at things they do. And I won't lie about it: The size of their hight or body are just so cute.

I sometimes tell my girls, "Can you girls, please stay the way you are now? Don't grow up. Stay tiny for Mommy..." They always look at me funny and Ju Ju points out, "But Mommy, I'm always your baby, right?" And she is right.

They will always be my babies and they will always be the most important things in my life. There will be time where they will start dating or their hearts get broken or the first kiss; I want to be the mom that they can come to me and talk honestly and share those important moments in their lives, like my mom was there for me and my sister.

It really scares me sometimes to think about their future.. I don't know what awaits them. So what I can do is to read their favorite books or cook their favorite food, or hold their hands when we walk around the lake, or that tell them I love them every chance I get, hoping that they know that their mommy loves them and they can count on me....

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I can't wait to share some funny stories from our vacation in NJ this week!!!

xoxo
Maki

So Long......

I was working and listening to the radio when the DJ said, "Michael Jackson suffered cardiac arrest, and now it was confirmed that he has died..." Every single person including all the customers in the salon gasped at the same time. And the disbrief sunk in.....I grew up listening to Michael Jackson's music. My dad had all his albums including Jackson 5. His talent was beyond anybody's ability - the way he sang, danced, and performed were all so magical. Nobody can dance like Michael, even Justin Timberlake wants to dance like him, but I know he can't even do it. Michael was that special....

Then his fame ruined him. He became a clown where people made fun of him. Although I knew he did go through trauma of some sort, I had never made fun of him. Yes, there were times his actions raised my eyebrows. But to me, he was my King of Pop. Every day, Ju Ju, Soapy and I dance to his songs as JT looks over. I'm not kidding. I want my daugters to grow up listening to his music.

I still remember going to his "HISTORY" tour concert in Honolulu Stadium on Oahu, Hawaii, a little over 10 years ago. I could not believe the rush I felt, and when he showed up on stage, I screamed like crazy. His presence was undescribable...... And it was the most memorable live concert I've ever been to. The next day, when I opened the newspaper, there was message from Michael, thanking the people of Hawaii. I knew he was a nice human being, a caring and a loving man who was lost in his time.

In a way, I feel his life was sad and tragic - I wonder if he ever felt true happiness. The emptiness he felt for all these years consumed by fame must be terrible. But I hope he knew there were many fans who adored and loved him - I hope he didn't feel alone...Thanks so much Michael, for all the great music and magical dance - we will miss you so much...

P.S. Rest in Peace, Sara Fawcett..... You fought with grace and courage.....

Thoughts While on Vacation...

My family and I are in NJ, visitng JT's dad and his stepmom for Father's Day. The weather has been not so great, but it's always nice to be back here.

For the past six months or so, I have been in a weird blogging funk. I've talked about it many times before; I've tried to snap out of it, but it seems I can't get the groove back on.

I've started my blog to talk about my daily struggle and hapiness surrouding my life. And I am very fortunate to have so many people who kind enough to visit and leave me a comment daily... I've met and made wonderful friends through my blogs - their blogs which I am forever grateful.

When I started my blog, my motto was to make sure comment back - lately, I haven't been following through. I get so tired and don't have the energy to go and visit each one of your blog - I am so sorry. I barely update my post also.. I will not say that I am quitting my blog. Actually, I would like to go back to my old good routine which to refocus some of my energy to blogging.

I realize now that I have so many good blogging friends who have supported me when I felt weak and alone. When I couldn't talk about my problems to my friends, you're all there for me to lend your support...

There are times I just wanted to pull the plug on my blog, but now I am glad I didn't.. Thank you so much, everybody!

I won't be able to visit your blog and leave a comment while on vacation, but I will be back next week after the vacation as strong as before and hopefully, find joy in sharing my life with you again.

Thank you again for your friendship and I love you all!

xoxo
Maki

Deja Vous

They are my daughters (well, most of you already know that.) Ju Ju & Soapy. They are very close and love each other very much. And watching them grow up has given me tremendous joy, no doubt about it.

There are one thing that's been bothering me for a while and it often makes me sad and I need to talk about it.

When we are out, it alwasy makes me happy when people look at my girls and tell me that they are adorable or pretty. I'm grateful for their kind words. But lately, many people only notice Soapy. I think it has to do with her age and how tiny she is - she is like a little peanut running around the world and I must admit, she is cute. But when people go up to only Soapy, I know, there is Ju Ju standing next to her. She looks up and smile at the adults hoping they would say something to her, but usually they go crazy on Soapy and walks away. The disappointment in her face tears me up inside. I guess Ju Ju is getting used to it, so when people notice Soapy, she automatically comes to me and hold on to my hand. I usually hold her hand tightly and look at her and smile....

As you can see from the photo, Ju Ju looks just like me and Soapy looks like her daddy. My BFF K who sometimes watches my girls when I am working, told me the other night that many people have told her that Soapy is like a porcelain doll, absolute gorgeous girl. Like I said, I am grateful when people talk about my daughter the way they do. I just sometimes don't know how to deal with the situation with Ju Ju...

I rememer when I was a little girl, I went through the same thing. My younger sister had big round eyes, unlike my tiny eyes. She was really, really a cute girl. There were times that the scout for the talent agency wanted to use her as a child actress in Japan. My sister was shy, she refused, but I used to tell her she should do it. Anyway, whereever we go as family, people used to say how cute my sister was and ususally they had nothing to say about me. I am not holding any grudges, actually I was really proud and happy when people talk highly of my little sister. But it did affect how I looked at myself - I used to think I was ugly. My mom continuously told me how pretty I was when I was little. I think she was worried about me. She said, "You may not like your eyes (because I used to complain about it), but you will be very happy that you have your looks when you grow up. So, don't change a thing..."

My insecurity about my look has changed drastically for the past 15 years or so ever since I gradauted high school. I still adore women with round big eyes - but I am extremely happy with the way I look. My mom was right.

I just hope Ju Ju knows that she is the most gorgeous girl in the world.. I don't want people's opinion to ruin her...

So, do you have any suggestion how to deal with a situation like this? Any advise??

Ju Ju Is Growing Up

{Look how proud she is}

My oldest daughter Ju Ju graduated from Pre-K last week. I can't believe how fast her school year had gone by - it totally flew!!!

She was so fortunate to have such wonderful teachers and classmates who taught her what it is to be a good student and a friend. Everything she's learned in her class will be a gift to be treasured for the rest of her life. JT and I are so proud of her...

{With her grandma and sister, Soapy}


{with Daddy, Mommy & Soapy}


{JT & I are very proud parents}

By the way, do you remember you wearing gown and cap for your pre-k or kindergarten graduation? Do you still remember your teachers from those young years???

I hope you all had a great weekend!
xoxo

p.s. yes I know, JT needed to smile more - was he nervous??

Reassurance

I was talking to my boss's client Mrs. C who is one of my favorite person that I see at the salon. When the radio started playing Carrie Underwood's "I told you so" - Mrs. L asked me if I knew who sings the song. I told her it's Carrie Underwood. She said she liked the song because it sort of reminded her of her oldest daughter's wedding. Then she told me her youngest daughter Miss C (who is also my boss' client) danced with her father (Mrs. L's husband) at her sister's wedding because he wouldn't be able to dance with her when her time to get married.

"I Told You So"


I was kind of puzzled while I was listening to Mrs. C's story because I honestly thought that her husband was still alive. I've known her for the past 8 months since I started working at the salon. She told me before she moved to a bigger house before Christmas and she often talks about going to vacations to different places. Therefore I totally assumed that he is stil alive...

As it turned out, Mrs. C's husband passed away a year ago from pancreatic cancer. He left Mrs. L, two daughters and two sons. She told me how wonderful her husband was to her; she met him when she was only 21 and he was her best friend. He was a great father to their kids as well.

So back to the weddng story. When Mrs. C's oldest daughter got married, Mr. C was already diagnosed with cancer and he didn't have much time to live. Knowing that Mr. C wouldn't be there to walk his youngest daughter down on the aisle for her wedding, the family decided that it would be best Mr. C and Miss. C to share "Father & Daughter's Dance" at Miss. C's sister's wedding. When I heard that story, I couldn't help, but cry... It was so beautiful and yet so painful...

Mrs. C started to find a song on her iPhone and when she found the song, she played it for me. "Maki, this is the song... I am not a big fan of country music, but oh, I can still remember that day. Everybody was crying because you know....we all knew he wasn't going to be there for my baby daughter. It was such a bittersweet moment. Beautiful, but sad. I am okay now, but I used to cry every day and night. It was really hard for all of us to lose him.. My kids don't have a father now...."

"My Little Girl"


She said she and her family did a walk for pancreatic cancer a few weeks ago, now she starts to see the difference in her kids. She said the kids (age 30, 28, 25 & 23) were trying to be strong for their mom, but now it's been a year and she is doing better, the kids are realizing that their father is gone. They are going through some grieving time right now. My heart totally breaks for her and her family.

I did a post about the movie, "P.S. I Love You..." - it was a story about the widow's journey to overcome her sorrow and find meaning to her life after her husband's death. I realize now that what happens in that movie happens to people like Mrs. L and it repeats itself everyday. It's for real.

But I felt fortunate to be able to share the intimate story with Mrs. L. It was not easy for her to talk about her husband's death, but I think she's finally able to look back and smile... When she checked out, she held my hand and said, "I wish no one goes through the pain I'd gone through, losing a husband.." - and I could only smiled... Because I know that nothing is sure and permanent. God only knows....