I've had some tough days for the past week or so. I found out from my dad that my mother was in the hospital because of her condition which she has renal failure (kidney failure). Many of my blogging friends already know that she's been on dialysis for more than 9 years now. I've cried so much for the past 9 days, it's not even funny. The thing is when I'm with my daughters, I forget that my mom is sick - it's the strength of love. My kids get me through very sad and most difficult days... Or going to see Ju Ju play soccer or me being a backup player for my brother-in-law's kickball team and played for the first time since elementary school last week. These little things can temporary, but surely have escaped me from being scared about my mom.
But it gets tough when I go to bed; when I don't have to be the strong mom for my girls; when I don't have to put a brave smile on my face. I can't stop thinking about the worst thing that could happen to my mom and I haven't had a good night sleep. The fear of losing her is tremendous. I'm very scared. It's been very scary nights for me. Every time when I hear my cell phone ring, I think for a second, "Is this the call?" -- well, usually it's JT or my friends, but my heart would skip a bit...
Thank goodness, my mom is home now and resting. When I talked to her yesterday, she's doing better and sounded like her usual self - very cheerful and full of love. Again, she was the one telling me not to worry and everything is going to be fine, when I should be the one telling her she'll be fine - I was crying again like a baby and she said in Japanese, "Aww my baby, Maki-chan. Don't be sad, I'm fine, don't worry... "
My dad, on the other hand, is a very honest man. He wouldn't lie to me. So he did tell me it was very scary that he had to call ambulance at 3 in the morning and bringing her to the ER. He told me she's okay now, but he needs to stay by my mom's side for a while..
So, if I could ask you a little bit of help, a favor, to see if you could pray for my mom... It would mean so much to me. I know the power of prayer - I know it works... So if I could ask you your five seconds or ten seconds, please think about my mama - the person who means everything to me because I can't lose her now...
17 hours ago